something to get fishy about

20041231
wedding dinner

today went for my cousin's wedding dinner at marina mandarin. took a cab there, the staff wanted to help me open my door but i managed to open myself before he opens for me. not used to people serving me, i have my own hands. it was raining, im freezing cold in the hotel. saw many people standing outside and drinks were served while waiting for the room to prepared. the ballroom im going to is the taurus, leo and capricorn room, where leo is the main entrance. looked for table 37, found and sit down. i was so bored, my sisters all not free to attend. somemore i don't even recognise my uncles, i never will. the dinner started really late, at around 8.30pm. wonder why some people like to be late, so inconsiderate. somemore they sit with us, so uncomfortable, don't even know them. heard that they are nieghbours of my uncle. i didn't get to sit with my cousins who are close to me, so unfair, because we always get to sit together everytime in other people's wedding. the first dish is of course the cold dish, with lobster, mango, crabmeat and stuffs. next we have shark fins, chicken, fish, prawn, scallop, bruised sparerib, noodles and mango sago with ice cream. my table only have 8 people, cannot finish all the food. but they don't allow people to pack the food home, some does have the service. maybe they afraid that people will get food poisoning if brought home to eat. they must protect their name ma. the food there very nice, especially the mango sago with ice cream, i love it! went for the toilet and saw my niece, she was looking at the lift and she will say 'woo' when the lift goes up. wonder what she will say when the lift comes down, didn't get the chance to hear that because the lift keep staying at the top. my cousin offered to send us home because he live just a street away from us. it took us really long to find his car because he forgot where he parked his car. in the end found his car somewhere in the corner.

isign~~off~~1:38 AM

20041230
alone

end of new life, start of freedom. first day of work, interesting in the beginning, boring in the middle, tiring in the end. start work at 11am, learn how to hang clothes from light colour to dark colour and memorise where each designs are. i'm surrounded by many different designs and colours of clothes that are suitable for teenagers and adults. and that area is so big until i got problem remembering the position of each design. avril was on the second storey, where she is surrounded by clothes for office lady. one of the seniors really nice to me, her name is yee min (translated). makes me thought of fine noodles. she very cheerful one, whenever she go for lunch or dinner will tell me before she goes. and she offered me mentos when i was freezing. ate wanton noodles during lunch, the wanton is fried wanton, taste nice. ate lemon chicken rice for dinner, the soup is free, taste nice too. anyway the air con there is very cold, much colder when at night. my legs are very tired, stood down there for more than 10 hrs WITHOUT rest. the first time i stood for such a long hours without sitting down. after work still must stay back to help hang clothes, 10.30pm then take bus home. after we took 70, avril change to 147 and i change to 156. i cried on the bus, really cannot stand the ache of my legs. anyway, my legs are weak after i injured myself when i was young. i think those people who know me well should know that i fell into the drain when i was young. doctor said i might be paralysed then, but luckily found a very good doctor who fixed my legs back. really grateful that i met the doctor or else i won't be here. back to the crying part, i was thinking why am i doing this to myself, why am i torturing myself? i can stay comfortably at home. and it was really stressful and disappointing as i don't think that anyone is here for me. there's no one who cares and comfort me. even the most important person to me will never be here for me. reached home at 11.30pm. decided to quit the job. will find another job soon, don't wish to be looked down by people.

isign~~off~~1:21 AM

20041228
the last time

end of freedom, start of a new life. don't think i can go online any day soon, although i will surely miss my computer alot. i will also miss playing the sims2, my female character just got pregnant, don't think i can see her give birth any time soon also. so disappointed that i can't go sentosa tomorrow, really miss going there. went to paradiz centre to play pool with avril and tong how. saw jonathan (wk) along the way. he's still as good looking as before, think tong how is jealous about that. humph, tong how is just as good looking la, so hope tong how won't feel so bad about it. pool was great, except for one stupid girl with her group of 3 guy friends beside our table. she think she very pretty or something, seems so proud to be the center of attraction. anyway, she is not pretty, no figure also. like to be center of attraction right? hope that all the objects on earth, in the celestial sphere, in the vacuum, in the galaxy and in the universe, especially big space probes got attracted to her and BOOM!!! humph, her fault, not mine. and she keep diao-ing us, hope that her eyes drop out. not my fault too. and she don't even know how to play pool, down there act cute and act gentle, i think her boyfriend look so old. this kind of people walk on street surely will get into trouble one, think she's so great? think again. well, i should not bitch about her anymore. sometimes it better to keep comments to yourself. to escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.

isign~~off~~9:15 PM

20041227
monday blues

it's monday, the sky is blue, the phone is blue, blue's clues is blue. it's xiu's birthday today, didn't know until today so didn't get the chance to celebrate with her. hope she enjoys herself with her group of friends. got really tired finding a job, no one wanted to employ me. regretted for not going into the first 3 mths of jc, if i were to go, i wouldn't have to worry about finding a work. somemore kevin told me what i will learn in jc chemistry, very interesting lorz, it's really what i wanted to learn and know. regretted sia...really hate myself. so boring when i have nothing to do, i can only blame myself.

isign~~off~~11:06 PM

20041226
boxing day

it's boxing day, i have nothing to say. spent my whole day at home watching tv again. but today, i read as well.
do you know that:

one second after the Big Bang the universe consisted of pure hydrogen, neutrons and neutrinos? *neutrinos are particles found to be emitted in radioactive beta-decay of neutron*
deuterium, helium-3, and lithium-7 were made in the Big Bang during the first 3 mins
other light elements (beryllium and boron) were made by cosmic ray spallation
heavy elements were all made in stars
a star lives for about 10 billion years before exhaustion of it's nuclear fuels

okay, that's enough for today, although there's more. the bullets look so old fashioned, but no choice, don't think there is nicer ones. kevin will be back tomorrow, good. think i'm growing fatter due to excess eating and limited exercise. don't wish to weigh myself, the result will be surely disappointing. hope that the weight will go away by itselfs without me worrying. by the way, worrying is a misuse of imagination, so stop worrying and start concerning. it's a nicer and better word to use.

isign~~off~~10:36 PM

20041225
a boring christmas day

today is christmas, how nice *sarcastically again*. stayed at home watch television the whole day until my eyes hurt, but keep on watching as there's nothing else i can do. i remembered i have to do something, but i forgot what is it. i guessed it's important and yet i forgot about it. does anyone know? did i like mentioned to anyone before? anyway, tomorrow is boxing day, but i already open all my presents. there's one from jason, a nice pair of earrings chose by xiu min and also a sasha bear from loong fang. thanks alot to those who remembered to get me a present. and the number of christmas cards recieved is, humph, a little lesser than last year. well, hope that everyone have really enjoyed themselves on christmas.

isign~~off~~11:29 PM

20041224
christmas eve

today is christmas eve, great *sarcastically*. went to cut my hair short, but long enough to tie. well, i guess a change will do me good. the hairdresser said my hair very dry, damned, need to spend money on hair conditioner again. in the end i'm late and qihao didn't check his handphone then stood there for at least 15mins. got on the train and saw someone familiar sitting at the last seat of the last cabin. look closely and saw it's kevin. so surprised, it's KEVIN with his bag pack and a hand held luggage on christmas eve. he's going away again, said it's a mission, a secret mission. asked him what was in the luggage he said is a bomb and forbid me to touch. wonder why the sercurity guy in the station never check his luggage. anyway kevin is kidding, don't take this seriously. kevin still refuse to tell me which school he's posted to. we went to ps's pizza hut to have our dinner, it got more and more crowded after we had our food served. and they have a very poor service, made us wait for half an hour just to prepare our starry potato. said there's some staff problems in the kitchen. i think the problem really lies with the staff, a very huge problem. after dinner, we make our way down to cine, it was really crowded, with people, people of all shape and sizes, people of all ages, people of all kinds, including avril, qihao and me. disappointed as the pool is full. so went down to take neoprints. the machine was great, very spacious and efficient. the only problem is that we don't understand how to choose what we really wanted. took pictures, happy, walked back to ps as near ps there's paradiz centre with many pool tables. saw yao boon, kenneth, swee keng and one sec 3 npcc guy, who is also one of yizhen's favourite cadat, along the way. further down saw wenwu with his buddies who i did not see before. in the end got a table and started playing. won one game out of two, a great improvements for someone who have no fate with the black ball, like what avril always suan me with. hurt my same finger again, hope my finger won't get paralyze after i keep getting injured at the same place. yao boon, kenneth, swee keng and that sec 3 guy came and take over our table because it's getting late and we need to go home. went home and saw beejun they all. watched the twelve kingdoms and inuyasha before going to bed. got to sleep early because if not, santa wouldn't come and put presents in my sock. merry christmas to all my love ones.

isign~~off~~11:37 PM

20041223
fed up

im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up, im so fed up.... get what i mean?

isign~~off~~8:25 PM

privilege cards

i'm promoting some privilege cards call 'idol privilege card' . one card cost $29.90, got many discounts and privilege, duh. there's free spa, free food, discounts to making name card and got free glamour shoots too. anyone intersted to buy the card let me know.

isign~~off~~8:07 PM

20041222
CHIJMES

today went to ps with my eldest sister to buy clothes. but then ps not much clothes so walk to suntec city. walk pass chijmes, so went inside to look around because very long never go there. do you know that i wanted to hold my wedding in that church? ya, those people who know me well enough should know. anyway, my sister bought a shirt for me. long sleeves one, i think that is the only long sleeves shirt i have. kevin taught me the first chapter of jc's physics today. the first chapter is about measurements and stuffs. quite easy, secondary knowledge. hope to learn more from kevin so that i can 'communicate' with those people who go to jc.

isign~~off~~9:34 PM

*#%!&*

today is the worst morning i had. finished the last piece of log cake, although log cake is suppose to be eaten on near christmas. so busy, eat and talk at the same time. stupid junloong bully me, later ask kevin to scold him. look down on me only, think he's the only one who knows alot about computers. i also know, but i don't show off. when compare to kevin, immediately he will have to go fly kite. he just don't understand why i refuse to let other people use my cd key. so obvious and he still blur. if you have a pirated cd, other people sure will have the same cd with the same cd key. if more and more people have the same cd key, your computer sure will not work anymore as it violated the copyright of the cd. if you have a copyrighted cd, you sure will not have any worries that people will use your cd keys and you can install in the computer more than once. oh ya, he have the copyrighted cd, why not he lend people his? oh, people never asked him. must be he's not popular enough, unlike my daddy.

isign~~off~~11:13 AM

20041220
im a nice girl

today went to cp to pass avril money, then walked home. a lady stopped me and asked for direction to block 304. anyway she's from china, can know from her accent. so i showed her the way, and walked together with her because im going home also. then we chat on the way, she told me that every student in china get a place in the university definitly. it only depends on how good is the university or how bad it is. lucky them, not like in singapore, you have to study like siao then you can squeeze into the university. so she 'safely' reached block 304, and im a nice girl.

isign~~off~~10:09 PM

he's back

yeah, kevin to back finally. yesterday just complained about him then today he come back. kevin said he went up to the moon. how lucky, he can actually see the moon. not like me stuck at home reading about the moon. anyway, glad he's back. i bet he must be busy later because many people need his help or something.

isign~~off~~6:02 PM

20041219
astronauts

after a few days of questioning, i managed to get an answer on how astronauts fly up to the moon and how they come back to earth. i always thought that the astronaut flies up to space and will never return as if it's a one-way trip, stupid me. i think i should thank jason on that, he explained quite clearly to me, didn't know he possess such knowledge about this. heard that he watched discovery centre or something. if kevin was here i think i would know more. talking about kevin, he've been away for like very long already. no one have any news on him, where he go or when he will be back. it's as if kevin mysteriously disappear into thin air. where are you kevin? everyone is deperately looking for you. me, jason, jim, puden and many more people is waiting for your return.

isign~~off~~11:42 PM

cosmology

saw a log cake in my fridge today, do not know who bought it. i still have not finish my christmas shopping yet, still got presents to buy for my good friends. today is a boring day, i spent the whole moring and afternoon reading about cosmology. quite interesting, although i hate physics, i still can understand abit of the alot of physics rules and reasons. first we have this hubbles's law, v=H d'. as observed from the central point, hubble's law states that the apparent recession velocity of distant galaxies is proportional to their distance, so the further away they are the quicker they recede. it means that galaxies twice as far away from the observer are moving twice as quickly. anyway, im talking about the expanding of the universe here. and expansion does not have a centre, any point can be treated as the origin. the age of the universe is around 15 billion years, which is very long.

isign~~off~~11:08 PM

not for real

had a bad dream. a really bad dream. he left me in my dream. he left me in reality. he left me. i cried in my dream. i cried in reality. i cried. i got lost in the new path which i walked for the first time. i always wanted to go back, back to the old path which im familiar with, back to where i used to be, back to where i feel safe, back to him. but somehow that path was blocked by tangled stems with thorns and a fallen tree. i heard someone screamed 'timble....!!!' that day, but i never thought that this would happen. anyway, i just can't get through the blockage. i cried again. i cried everytime i think of him, never been so weak. i can barely reach out for him, my hands are heavy, im weak. reaching out for him seems like reaching out for an invisible shadow, i will never feel or touch him. i cried again.

isign~~off~~10:57 AM

20041218
silence

went to mandy's farewell party today, the house, people and food are nice. but i don't understand what had happen between him and me. we never talk or even look at each other. it was weird, we were close last time. very close. but now everything seems different and we do not feel the same towards each other any more. anyway, he has a new target...glad for him, he used to be so sad.

isign~~off~~10:39 PM

i'm not deserving enough

why does this have to happen to me. i don't deserve him? no matter how hard i try, in the end i will still end up with nothing. maybe i might feel better if i don't try and i don't hope. i don't need him to treat me good just because i'm so torn.

isign~~off~~1:45 PM

discovery

lately i've been trying to discover things which i do not know and wanted to know but have no time to read up last time. things like the universe, all about chemistry and physics are interesting. also, i try to discover something to make me sweeter. maybe high intake of sugar will help. and im trying to get used to my life now, a life of no happiness, no warm, no comfort and no sympathy.

isign~~off~~1:20 AM

20041217
the sun

the sun is made of incandescent gas with a visible surface temperature of between 5000 degree and 6000 degree celcius. the core, where the solar energy is being produced, the temperature soars to at least 14 000 000 degree celcius and ever more.

isign~~off~~10:37 PM

recovering data

my hard disk crashed about a month ago, all my stuffs are gone. sad. anyway, there are some website which can help to recover data from a malfunctioning hard drive.
www.datarecoveryclinic.com
www.savemyfiles.com
www.drivesavers.com
www.adv-data.com
www.atl-datarecovery.com
and you can go to www.ontrack.com to learn more about file recovery before doing anything.

isign~~off~~1:38 PM

20041216
protons

the number of protons in the universe is 11, 810, 793, 102, 206, 251, 933, 204, 240, 470, 886, 166, 601, 033, 538, 435, 895, 337, 532, 024, 673, 568, 807, 139, 223, 273, 472. humph humph, and with the same number of electrons. amazing...

isign~~off~~11:35 PM

satellite...

i've always wonder why satellite can stay in the universe without dropping down onto earth as there is always gravitational force. all these have to do with the escape velocity. the velocity a body must be given in order to escape the gravitational hold of some other larger body, e.g., the earth, moon, or sun. A body given less than the escape velocity will fall back toward the surface of the larger body; a body given a velocity equal to or greater than the escape velocity will still be attracted by the larger body, but this force will not be sufficient to cause it to return. Escape velocity depends on the mass of the larger body and the distance of the smaller body from its center, being proportional to the square root of the ratio of these two quantities. The velocity of escape from the earth at its surface is about 7 mi (11.3 km) per sec, or 25,000 mi per hr; from the moon's surface it is 1.5 mi (2.4 km) per sec; and for a body at the earth's distance from the sun to escape from the sun's gravitation, the velocity must be 26 mi (41 km) per sec. interesting......

isign~~off~~11:20 PM

last episode of the oc

today is the last episode of the oc. a very sad episode, i cried. theresa is pregnant and she wants to keep the baby. so ryan left marissa to be with theresa. so sad, marissa told ryan that she loves him and wished him well although ryan is going away with another girl. sad.

isign~~off~~11:02 PM

chalk

many people, including me, thought that chalk is actually made of limestone and full stop. but there are more to it as it is comprised of a sequence of mainly soft, white, very fine-grained extremely pure limestones which are commonly 300-400 m thick. These rocks consist mainly of coccolith biomicrites formed from the skeletal elements of minute planktonic green algae, associated with varing proportions of larger microscopic fragments of bivalves, foraminifera and ostracods. The planktonic coccoliths and many of the foraminifera (the planktonic species) lived floating in the upper levels of the oceans. When they died their skeletons sank to the bottom, combining with the remains of bottom living bivalves, foraminifera and ostracods, to form the main components of the chalk. more information can be found in this website which i read all about this http://www.geologyshop.co.uk/chalk.htm. chemistry is fun.

isign~~off~~9:44 PM

20041215
spongebob squarepants movie

Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SpongeBob SquarePants!

watched the spongebob squarepants movie in the afternoon. did i mention that i love spongebob? yes, i love spongebob. he's so funny and cute, definitely one of my favourite cartoon character. the movie is about this plankton who tries to steal the recipe of krabby patties and control everyone who lives in bikini bottom. a very lame movie, just the way i like it. i love gary too, a snail which 'meows' just like a cat. oh ya, gary is a genius, a very very smart snail. anyway, i think everyone who loves spongebob squarepants should not miss the movie because it is as good as the rest of the episodes of spongebob squarepants.

isign~~off~~10:47 PM

the school of rock

watched the school of rock today at last, didn't have the time to watch last time. the show was simply great, especially the music they played, it simply rock. the band manager look like one of the characters in the adams family show, kind of cool actually. nothing to do at home today, so bored. everyone seems to have something to do except me, im just a boring person.

isign~~off~~3:24 PM

20041214
'pooling' at habourfront

today met up with my primary school friend to play pool. reached there like 20 minutes early, so walked around to waste more of my time. saw the shops that were featured in the CLEO magazine. there's this shop which sells bikinis and beach wears, and each bikini cost $100 plus, which is expensive. however, the material is good and the prints & designs are special. and there's this shop that sells shoes, which the shoes are very mature, not my type. wonder why some people are staring at me when i was walking in habourfront. so rude of them to stare. anyway, played pool, lost the game, hurt myself once AGAIN and got tired. after the game took train down to ps and shopped in carrefour. realised that most guys hate to shop, i wonder why. it's fun to shop i guess, where you get to see pretty things and buy things that you like. guys are weird. anyway, we got approached by this man and with a student, they talked us through to buy a $5 tickets. waste money only, the food doesn't look nice to see, so i don't think it is nice to eat also. we shared a pizza we bought at carrefour, taste alright except the pineapple and red pepper taste. oh, saw small terrence there also. how nice of him to say hi to me. after some food and rest, we are ready to walked to borders. heard that there's vacancies there so decided to go there to try my luck. in the end the interview has ended a few days ago. so went home as it was getting late. had fun, but there's something keeps haunting me. not as in ghost haunting but something that i just can't forget and let go.

isign~~off~~10:06 PM

sleep, sleep and sleep

did anyone told you not to sleep because you will become a pig someday? well, sleep some more because you can actually lose weight when you are in your dream land. that's why i woke up only at 10 plus everyday, hoping to lose some weight i have gained during this holiday, not really this holiday, is during 'o' levels.
PS: is my information correct? if not let me know.

isign~~off~~11:21 AM

20041212
gilmore girls

today is the last episode of the season 4 of gilmore girls. well, rory and dean they humph humph, which is weird as dean has a wife. but i guess it doesn't matter because they were once together. and rory likes dean and dean likes rory, i think i would like to see them together, just like i would like to see lana with clark. hope that they will continue showing season 5 soon.

isign~~off~~10:33 PM

the sims 2

at last get to play the sims 2 after very long of waiting, waiting and waiting. but then the game keep hanging, maybe is my ram got problem or something. so bought a new ram, hope that i can enjoy the game without pause. baked cookies today also, but the recipe gone wrong and the cookie taste not that nice. but still can eat, won't get poison by them. gave avril one box, jim and jason one box and actually wanted to give kevin one box also. but he heard that cookies not nice he said he don't want it. hey, it's the sincerity that counts, not the quality or quantity of the cookies. well, i guess he don't mean it anyway, im giving him one box if i have the chance to see him or something.

isign~~off~~10:12 PM

20041211
fusion chalet

the day before went to sijori resort at sentosa for our fusion chalet. went there with jason with the food and drinks, it was already 7 plus then. the monorail is slow and shaky, but nicely decorated with lightings. saw only beejun, kevin, daphne and edwin at the barbecue area. heard that everyone went back to the room and play except them. no one seem to want to help carry the food back until several phone calls are made. so we tried to finish barbecueing all the food, but had fun there anyway. went back to the room to rest, watched the oc and the animes before playing and going to bed. room is bigger than any chalets we had but still not big enough for all of us to sleep comfortably. so i slept on the floor. in the end i had to share a pillow with my kor, but he took all the pillow and my sleeping area after i left for the toilet. sad. i went to the sofa and continue to sleep on it. in a chalet, there is always some problems happen that destroys the happy mood of others. like how some people had to complain that others are blocking him or her from walking when they get to sleep on the bed while others had to sleep on the cold and hard floor. why do they only think of themselves? selfish bunch of people. anyway, the next day we went to the palawan beach to play. the water is cold in the morning, after much persuading to get into the water by boonpeng and alvin, i eventually went into the water. the water is clear, at least more clear than east coast and pasir ris. it was fun afterall, other than the disappearing of alvin's handphone in the water. we walked to siloso beach because a volleyball cost $18 and so we thought of renting one. but the renting price is just a few dollars cheaper and we still had to pay for the volleyball court. so walked back to palawan beach to buy a volleyball and play on the non-charging court. it was fun, although i just stood there doing nothing. at least i helped to pick up the ball. meet avril and qihao in the afternoon for lunch. daphne invited them to the room while waiting for me to get changed. but not all people are happy to see them there, but most welcomed them. so after we went out for lunch, i packed up and left. still early, so the three of us went to harbourfront's arcade to play pool. had an hour of game, taught qihao how to play. realised that i have no fate with the black ball, always left with the black ball but i keep missing it then in the end others caught up with me. sad. hurt my finger again, it bleeds at the same spot as last time. the train we took was noisy. the connectors gave squeeking sounds when the tracks are winding. the 'green man' should borrow some lubricant from the pirate ship in 'park wonderland' at east coast park to ease the friction. went back home with my eyes half closed. very tired as i never sleep enough that night. luckily never get hit down by a car. saw the pasar malam opposite my house already starting business, i should go down someday. slept at around 10 plus and woke up at 11 plus today. still tired, but someone is trying to tear the house down so had to wake up. tired. realised that i'm still as weak as last time. how can i be strong? without the hope, love and courage, i might as well die.

isign~~off~~4:35 PM

20041209
Inuyasha...

watched inuyasha yesterday night, but i missed the twelve kingdoms. kikyo jumped down the cliff, and inuyasha cannot save her. they love each other, but sadly they cannot be together.

isign~~off~~3:29 PM

busy week

been trying to keep myself busy for this whole week so that i would not think too much about something. yesterday went out with avril to find job, filled up 4 application forms altogether. there's bossini, poh kim, popular and M.A.D. found out that it's easier to find jobs by walking into the shops than calling and waiting at home. later must prepare to go to chalet again, but this time is at sentosa. i think most of them have already reached there, im going there late with the fried noodles. there's nothing for me to do at home, other than trying to finish writing all my christmas cards. most probably going to bake cookies this weekend for my good friends. hope the cookies turn out nice and yummy. avril have another job at toys'R'us and metro, which we had to promote toys. but salery is connected to how many toys we sold, if we suck at it, we probably wouldn't get any pay at all.

isign~~off~~2:52 PM

20041208
christmas is coming...

went out for christmas shopping yesterday, need to buy many things. sigh. spent quite alot on christmas cards and stamps, around thirty plus for 48 cards and 42 stamps. wonder why i bought 42 stamps only when i have 48 cards. well, not enough buy again i guess. everywhere is playing christmas songs, got my all time favourite 'my only wish this year'. this is how it goes:

Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year

other than this song, there's another song which is also my favourite 'all i want for christmas'. this song is featured in the show 'love actually' too. here it goes:

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...

still haven found a job, can anyone intro? desperate to find something to do, i'm bored to death at home. maybe just rotting but not a good feeling either. call me if anyone need company to go out shopping or something.

isign~~off~~11:35 AM

20041205
damn...

found out something i shouldn't have. regretted, i shouldn't be so curious in the first place. blamed it on myself. but i can't help it, i am actually kept in the dark. well, i have no rights to know and expect him to tell me anyway. i think it's more hurtful if he told me that, so i think it's better if i find out myself. i rather hurt myself than hurting anyone. so stop asking me not to do things that are not suppose to be done.

isign~~off~~10:38 PM

smart...so what?

people are born with different capability and level of intelligence, just like everyone have different fingerprints. i don't understand why some people looked down on those who are not as clever as them, just because they have done better in their results? i was taught to be humble and i refuse to shout, but that does not mean that i allow people look down on me or something. to escape criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. silence may bring peace, but not happiness. coming back to my main point, i hate people who thinks that they are so smart that others are not good enough to be part of them. maybe clever people are meant to be with clever people only, where they have their own world in the 'smart-people island', with no intruders allowed. sad. maybe im just jealous that other people are smarter than me, which makes me feel as inferior as possible. aim high shoot low, that's what i have been doing all my life. contented with just 'okay' results, i am said to be a simple girl with low expectations. i quite don't understand why some people aimed so high, maybe they need that to let themselve know that they are successful or something so that they have a 'bright future'? i guess if a person is clever, he or she would be with someone with same intelligence as them or even higher, so that they will not feel stupid being with some dumb girl or boy from you-know-where. that's what they mean by 'compatibility', which includes how wealthy you are and looks. yup, looks to most people are important. this is an old-fashion thinking, i shall not think too much of it, or else i may become old. well, i am not thick-skinned, i know my limits and i know how good i am and how bad i am. that's why i know why some things happen the way they did, which i can do nothing about it. if i am to compared to that girl from you-know-where, i am sure to lose out definitely. this i know very cleary, i shall not repeat this again.

isign~~off~~9:38 PM

Nononononono....

'say no only if you don't want to be with me'. a phrase i remembered clearly from today's gilmore girls. today i've been a good girl, helping out to clear the 'forever messy' store room. does store room always have to be messy? because mine does and store room is suppose to store un-use things which are not that neat? i guess so, so don't blame me for the messy store room. kevin still refuses to bring me to downtown east to watch sesame streets live, daddy is so mean. today is the last day of performance, i'll never get the chance to watch it ever again. still conserving my energy to last me through the day. i'm still tired, physically and mentally, when will the tiredness go away? im weak, like what kevin said, im trying hard not to sleep. one day i shall be strong, overcome the forces that are keeping me down.

isign~~off~~8:49 PM

20041204
tired and aching

slept in the afternoon from noon to the evening, felt weak all over. used 3/4 of my energy to crawl out of my bed. i'm still tired, need more rest definitely. the feeling is kind of like just recovered from some deadly illness or something. it did not rain today or yesterday, which i thought it will. ate porridge for dinner, same as lunch, and i'm still waiting for my sis to buy food home. watched the simpsons, homer is some pie super hero. kevin downloaded the spanish version of smallville, serve him right for not burning the previous episodes for me. christmas is coming, it will not be a happy one. friends are leaving me eventually. everything i used to have are gone, my hopes, my dreams, everything. i shall be humble again, walking alone barehanded.

isign~~off~~8:33 PM

2Integrity Chalet

yesterday went to east coast park for my 2integrity chalet. first time after so many years then have a gathering, guess it's better than never. i was asked to make salad for them, so went to avril's house to prepare. went to buy ingredient from NTUC, both of us don't know how to choose good fruits and vegetables. so i guess we anyhow see nice nice then take, never think too much though. avril's mum helped out alot in shredding the carrots and cabbages, i mean 3 carrots and 1 quite big but not so big cabbage. the fruits avril and i cut then mix in mayo. was phraise for the fruit salad, it was said that it taste really great. carried all the food to the chalet, walked far, tired but had to rush. reached the chalet and we left for our own activity. we walked passed a amusement park named 'Park Wonderland', no one's playing, we went in to liven up the atmosphere. bought tickets for the pirate ship ride, only the both of us. not scary at all, it was low and slow. the owner may want to use lubricant for the brakes because it's noisy like hell. rented an overnight bike on the way, the guys working there are flirts. not that they are flirting with their eyelids moving up and down, but they seemed flirting to me. talked to avril and me, helped me picked up my purse, i should be thanking him than critising him in the first place. played a complete pool the first time, glad that i made the first step in playing it for fun. hands numbed after a while, finished and left. meet rayner for a while, he had a friend nearby who needs his company i guessed. it was cloudy, stars are hiding away from me, guessed i'm not friendly. went to bedok jetty for 3 times or is it 4 times? the last time is during 5am to see sunrise, the air is freezing, not enough fats in my body to burn to produce heat. jacket traps cold air, it's even colder. the sun took forever to rise, the jetty smells like fish market. slept on the stone seats while waiting for the sun to get up. the sky is brighter, but the sun is blocked by the clouds. went back to the chalet to rest before going home. going home seems like trying to look like lana when you actually looked like clark? legs are aching due to excess stretching while cycling.

isign~~off~~10:55 AM